I think that it´s time to clean my head from some thoughts again. Lately, when I scroll through the world wide web I have the feeling that people become more and more negative. I don´t know if I am wrong or if people just use their social networks more to live their negative side. However, it kind of worries me to see the development. It´s pretty scary when 85 % of the posts I read of certain people and about 50% in general of the posts are no good thoughts, no matter if it´s about past, present of future or in a combination.
Honestly I have to say that I struggle with negative thoughts myself every now and then, lately due to some circumstances more than I should like to admit but reading all the posts and of others makes me realize that I don´t want to be a part of this sadness for good. It makes me realize to want to go back to my more positive self again. It may be won´t happen over night and the road will bring some vehicles for sure but I will try to take it as an experience, as a journey maybe.
The problem about the negativity in my eyes is, that it´s like a good laugh, contagious. I notice a lot of times that friends/lovers or family members are often dragged down by the problems of their loved ones. Instead of lifting them up, they seem to be dragged to the bad mood / worries, etc. pretty soon themselves and can´t stand it no more, which affects the original person again as well. It´s a circle that´s hard to break and I experienced myself. Sometimes an open conversation may can change something about the situation already. Like, what it would need for change and perform those changes. In harder cases there´s perhaps needed some professional help, which is no shame at all! Admitting to need help is strength, no weakness!
In the end we´re all what we think we are. Our way of thinking influences our lives. Scientific studies prove that persons with a positive attitude take life easier, not because there are less bad things happening to them but because they rate it differently. (As a lesson or as a personal development for example). They´re just happier in general and let´s be honest, being with a positive person makes us smile automatically ourselves, isn´t it? We´re in charge of our own thoughts and how we rate things. It´s not about that we need to stand strong all the time, that´s impossible. Sometimes also the most positive person need some help but it all comes down to find your own happiness back when it was lost through the dark times.
If you don´t know how to start, begin with the little things and count what you´re thankful for. Maybe it´s your friends, maybe it´s a vacation you´re looking forward, maybe a concert you go to. Or let´s take the elementary things like health, a lazy sunday you can spend like you want to, something you recently bought, the upcoming spring… It´s the little things summarized can become the big once – if you give them a chance! :)
Posted in Life, philosophy, Psychology, Uncategorized | Tagged attitude, experiences, happiness, journey, negative, positive, sadness, thoughts | Leave a Comment »
I think it´s time for a little update. Last time I told that I may let you know about my journey. Well, it seems like things of at least one of my Nemesises are moving forward. I went to the pre-appointment in between and got a date in a few weeks. Call be crazy but I´m absolutely proud of myself to have done those first steps. I sure will have some kind of panic attack the day I have to go there but I am more than focused to face it and do a move in the right direction! (If anyone of you have similar experiences, feel free to let me know btw :)) Will keep you updated on that!
Today I also want to write about another someday someday maybe (I stole the title from Lauren Grahams same titled book btw, which is awesome! If you don´t know it yet, go and get it. :) Well, let´s talk about the things you want to do someday. Someday, when you have more time, someday when you have less liabilities, when the moment is just better than now… but what, if this moment will never be? I think we all have dreams of what we want to do in life. Traveling the world, creating an own home or maybe something simple like learning an instrument or starting with dancing classes for example. Some things are of course easier to do than others but don´t you know that slight feeling, this little doubting voice inside yourself asking what if someday will never going to happen?
I have to admit that I live with this thought maybe a bit more than others and yes, it does scare me. The thought that I might could leave this world without any of my wishes and goals to have come true gives me a sad and anxious feeling. The reason why I am writing this today is that a friend of mine, who´s only 24 lost an old schoolmate at the same age, what I think is really awful! Like singer Melanie Thornton said (ironically a few days before her plane crashed and she died at the age of only 34 as well as singer Anastacia after her first won battle against breast cancer) is, that no one of us is promised tomorrow and we should make each count and meaningful. Due to personal reasons I think about those words every time I think about my dreams and sometimes also in between. Even if it sounds depressive at first sight, it helps me to work on my dreams. About two years ago I started a Netherlands class for example I wanted to do for so long already and I still love it! Also I fulfilled myself a few tiny other wishes and I don´t regret anything! The only thing I regret is the things I haven´t done and that can´t be done anymore. There´s still the list with the bigger wishes that can´t be done that easily but I am working on that!
2014 is the year of “the firsts”
This year I had an intensive thought what my new year resolution would be, because I hate that common stuff that no one keeps anyway. *lol* So I decided that it would be the year of the firsts, which simply means that I try to do things I never done like this before, which also includes to fear this Nemesis stuff from my previous post. But it´s not just negative, also things that I never tried before, like going to places I never went and meeting people I never seen in person before. It´s an exciting journey that makes me nervous at one point and happy at the other. Please push your thumbs that everything works out about it. I´d really would love to make those experiences!
Don´t forget to ask yourself what your dreams are and were you able to live them yet?
Posted in Life, philosophy, Uncategorized | Tagged anxious, dreams, fear, hope, journey, life, live, maybe, someday, wishes | Leave a Comment »
after month of absence I´ve decided to make this blog a bit more personal. Speaking about some stuff I experience lately. It´s not all good but I try to see it as a journey and also I hope to clear my mind by writing down some things of it here.
This post is called facing Nemesis – Part 1, because don´t we all have a thing we utterly fear? And don´t we all reach a point one day where we say, “it´s enough now”? A point where you can´t run away any longer, so we have to face our fears? I think it´s a thing a lot of us have in common and maybe it helps both sides, you and me a bit to share the process.
I have to admit that my personal Nemeses are diagnostics and treatments at Docs, even though I am surrounded by it since my childhood. Maybe it is also the reason why I decided to go into this direction as a medical secretary myself. To learn about it, help others by at least being friendly to patients (it can often help to calm a bit down at least) and hopefully ease my own fear as I understand things better. Well, the last part was wasted but well, it was worth a try at least, wasn´t it?
Until now I never had a real bad diagnostic or surgery, expect some dental stuff (urgh). Nevertheless I am fu***ng afraid of it. I already get panic attacks when I think about certain diagnostics or a surgery room and I am not exaggerating in this case! That´s also the reason why I pushed some stuff that needs to be done away to the magical -some time-. Lately I had a lot of time to think in the train riding to work and home and also the nightmares about some stuff became stronger. I take it as a sign that it´s time to face those fears now, well, because everything happens for a reason, right? That´s at least what I believe in. Sometimes you don´t know why things are happening or why it hit you with the stuff you fear the most. Like I said, I had a lot of time to think and I came to the conclusion that it´s a test of life if you´re strong enough to develop yourself to a next level. It may sound weird but think of the things you may be feared when you were a child. Someday you faced this stuff and found out that it wasn´t that worse. You survived and came out stronger and more confident of the situation. I think it´s the same as an adult. Once we face our fears we can develop to a stronger version of ourselves in the end and being proud to have made it, what is a pretty good feeling, isn´t it? It maybe will not be nice but in the end we get through once we push ourselves to look into the eye of the storm. Maybe we´re also giving others hope to fear their Nemesis, who knows? The only problem about it is that the bigger fear is not the thing we think we actually fear the most but the result of how it could change our lives if we do.
In the end, it maybe is not even for ourselves that we take the step we need to take. Sometimes we do it for others (maybe without that they even know). Maybe it is for your friends or family or someone you think -damn, that person went through so much and you´re whining around because of… (what was actually my personal kick.) It doesn´t mean I won´t do my stuff more fearless. I am still having panic attacks and nightmares about it but it´s the thing that made me do a first step along with a promise to the person what is so to say my point of no return.
I may be will keep you posted on this journey but it´s not a promise. For now I am proud of the first step, full of fear but focused, hoping it all works out and life becomes a bit more normal (without nightmares and all that stuff) again.
-“My whole life brought me to this moment”- is a line of a song that makes me do it. I am not sure why it brought me there but I think it´s for the development thing and it´s time to find out!
Posted in decisions, Life | Tagged anxious, beginning, Facing fear, facing Nemesis, fear, first step, journey, move in the right direction, Nemesis, nightmares, personal development, thoughts | Leave a Comment »
-My new single will be defo out end of January-
Announcements like this are nothing spectacular in the music business. A thing we hear on a regular base by various artists. So what´s the reason that I am blogging about something so average? The simple answer is: Because this announcement was made right after the statement „I am cancer free“, and „I had double mastectomy.“
If you followed the media a bit you already figured out that I am talking about singer Anastacia, who just beat breast cancer for the second time in 10 years. So actually this blog isn´t about an upcoming single or album, it´s about the importance of (breast cancer) awareness and how one person can be become a light of hope for 100.000´s of women fighting the same battle right in this moment.
„October is breast cancer awareness month“
Seeing the first interview after her second cancer journey that begun in February this year, you can see how the singer takes a deep breath more than once before answering to the questions about her treatment. Surely it´s not an easy topic for any woman talking about losing both breasts. Nevertheless she comes out (as people know her by nature) with a positive summarizing. Her message is: You maybe lost your breast(s) but you are alive! It´s obvious to see that she recovered well from her treatment and wants to give courage to women that still have to decide which way to choose and those who already did she´s now supporting the charity „bin your bra“.
“Early detection has saved my life twice. I will continue to battle and lend my voice in any way I can.”
This is the one original and most important statement she´s letting the world know. Since her first cancer treatment in 2003, (loosing 40 percent of her breasts already), she created the bcrf (breast cancer research foundation), which helps women in need about donations to pay mammograms and do research work how to prevent. Both times cancer was found while having a routine diagnostic mammogram. Needless to say that she wants to raise her voice for regular awareness to save lives.
About the treatment herself she tells “I´m feeling much better, it has been unbelievable. The ride has been way more intense than I thought but I am so glad to be here. Any journey down that road isn’t easy for any female, but you got to do what you got to do, and I am cancer free for it forever. Breast cancer free at least, so it is all worth the struggle.”
So let´s hope that this honest but also positive message will reach a lot of women out there and help to raise awareness, what is still the best treatment against this illness. Also we hope that it was the last hard struggle for the tough and encouraged singer.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged alive, Anastacia, awareness, bcrf, bin your bra, breast cancer, breast cancer awareness, breast cancer research foundation, double mastectomie, health, october, pink for the cure, research, singer | Leave a Comment »
I know that I didn´t publish anything new in while but lately I´ve been thinking about some stuff again. As the title already reveals, it´s about a personal respect zone everybody has, that should be –respected-. I think we all agree on that but why is it that this zone doesn´t work in some situations? I´m not talking about that you maybe take a step too close to a co-worker while having a fun time or giving someone you like (and you don´t know if he/she likes you back) a maybe too early hug. I´m speaking about strangers to you – you perhaps have the feeling you know at least until a certain degree – through the media!
It´s not that I know what I will write here only from TV, I´ve also seen those situations myself and were pretty shocked at times. Let me tell you about a concert of a female singer (I won´t mention names here) where an adult guy (about 45) started yelling “I love you, I just want to hug you”, etc. up on stage. The singer reacted cool, went up to him, got down on her knees and said “so give me a hug”, what was really cute in my eyes. Well, he did, that strong and that long (still yelling some stuff at her) that she spread her arms to keep in balance on her knees and just wait it out. A few other fans were literally shocked. Thankfully she´s professional enough to manage it with a laugh and a joke.
Another situation was about a male singer surrounded by a bunch of kids and teenagers that barely let him walk a step, partly pulling on his shirt and stuff. Even the security didn´t do anything about it, no matter that it was more than obvious that he didn´t seem happy.
A third situation (yes, I´m going to concerts a lot) was a girl around 20 I remember that wanted a photo with the lead singer of my favorite band but didn´t speak English. I just heard in German “what is –I want a photo-?” and so told her. Well, in the end she went up to him, not even saying hi, just placing herself beside him saying “photo”, no thanks right after, nothing; she just went away.
According to those 3 situations, vicarious for a lot of others for sure, I ask myself what happens to some people´s behavior when they meet celebs and why? Why seem the border of respect you normally have for persons around you in life not to work for the once we know from the media?
I think the answer is to find in a psychological trait. All those open media sources connote us that we have a view in a part of what they do and who they are. No matter if it is an article in some magazine, a show on TV or some portals on the internet, we mostly get a lot of news about their lives including relationship, split ups, family or health issues. It kinda makes us feel that we –know- them at least for a bit (regardless if all the reports are true).
Some of them also keep in touch with their fans over social networks but let´s keep it real, if someone with 100.000 + followers answers you at a time it doesn´t mean they know who you are.
In my opinion exactly there´s the problem. When you finally meet them in person, you remember all the stuff you know about them, you maybe remember a virtual interaction and the positive feelings they gave you through what they do. Now you want to tell them, so you maybe grab their arm, scream something or whatever to get their attention. But remember, if you weren´t that lucky to have some real longer meetings before so they recognize you; you´re a stranger to them! You maybe say now that they´re used to it and it´s their job. But it´s not. Their job is to entertain the audience, no matter if actor, singer or author. It does not mean that they give away all their rights of a personal life, what should always be respected as well as themselves as a person.
So ask yourself: How you would feel if some stranger to you “touches you all over” to exaggerate a bit or screams right into your face. Ask yourself how you would feel if they break into your comfort zone in a ruthless way. Ask yourself if you´d keep that person in mind in a good way or at all because others will do the same. And lastly ask yourself: Wouldn´t it be nicer to have a normal little normal talk with them instead? I think this would stay in their mind far more positive, don´t you think?
Posted in Life, Psychology, respect | Tagged border of respect, comfort zone, life, others, people, respece, respect zone | Leave a Comment »
“Love is most powerful emotion and the strongest feeling a human being can feel.“
In fact, this sentence which already a lot of philosophers wrote poems about or a lot of musicians sing wonderful songs with deep going lyrics about, is also proven by a lot of actions in reality, in a positive as well as in a negative manner. Sadly the media seems to tell more and more often the stories of jealous men for example that killed their girlfriends because she fell out of love. On the other hand love is able to cross any bridges and distances, thinking of the couples that found there partner in a totally different kind of the world including a different culture and maybe also religion. Nevertheless a lot of these couples find a solution to combine their very different kind of lifestyles because the love for each other is stronger than any space; spoken physically and emotionally.
But what is love? What is this big emotion that seems to get best as well as the worst out of people? Is it this huge unknown of the universe? Or is it, like the neuroscience tells a simple hormone reaction? I´m not sure about it myself and so writing this is also for a trip on a road that I don´t know where it will lead me.
An inevitable matter of fact is that we choose our partners subconscious by anthropologic parameters. It is indisputable that if we meet someone for the first time our immune system checks out by getting subconscious the pheromones of our opposite, if (s)he´d might be the right one to have children with. It´s an evolutionary process we can´t control. If this matches (and some other parameters) our brain starts to produce more happy hormones like Dopamin, testosterone (for men), Oxytocin (mostly women) but also the stress hormone Cortisol – that just by the way – to increase the feeling to be in love or commonly described as the typical “butterflies”.
So if love is measurable by parameters, is it in the end as logical as 2 + 2 = 4?
According to what we learned above your answer is may yes now but on the other hand there are some irrational tests that prove how partners can be “connected” with each other, even about distances, which just isn´t explainable with hormones. Remember the often heard story about women that felt that there partner or another beloved family member was having an accident somewhere. They instinctively felt that something was wrong or even woke up at night knowing that something happened. Another interesting test that took place at a university in Australia consisted couples that where placed with a test at different corners of a room without any eye or body contact. Anyway there heartbeats and breath frequency resembled to each other (mostly the women resembled to the men). It seemed like there were feeling their partners which can´t be explained with any common “love hormone” yet.
Also remember that love can grow during the time. What may have begun as a flirt some years back can become a serious relationship or even marriage through the years. When the first “blind sight” is gone, couples mostly describe their relationship as even more conversant.
“Love can´t exist without trust, respect, interest in each other and communication”
This is a fact that psychologists as well as the majority of us agree on and is also officially known as the four basic pillars.
So what is love in the end? Is it the anthropologic process that wins the race? Or is it the psychological aspect because we´ve already learned from life that there´s no harvest without care and work. Or maybe all those theories are wrong and it´s just that great feeling that can be hardly described in words because beside all the science there´s still some magic in this world.
I can´t give you the final conclusion. Personally I think it´s a healthy mix of all of those elements because look around you. Life isn´t just black in white in general, it´s the mixing colors we enjoy. Why should it be any different with one of the most beautiful things on earth?
Posted in Anthropology, Life, Love, philosophy, Psychology | Tagged anthropology, emotions, evolution, feelings, happiness, hormones, life, love, philosopy, psychology | 1 Comment »
Do you remember your childhood when your parents were your biggest role models? Your Dad maybe was like Superman, caring about the family, taking all those complicated decisions, while your Mom was Wonderwoman, that eased all your pain and sorrows. If you had a good childhood, you didn´t have a doubt in your parents, no matter which decision they took, you somehow knew that it was always right for you.
As you grow older, this picture probably started to change. You developed your own opinion on things that not always agreed with your parents. Also you made own experiences and learned to understand that daily business isn´t that easy for Mom and Dad as well as it seemed sometime earlier. The image of the superheroes cracked and evolutionally it´s a normal, good and necessary thing. It means that children start to build an own character, are able to take own choices – no matter if they´re wrong or right.
By that time a lot of us start to find new role models and idols. It maybe is the older brother / sister or even a celebrity. Either way it´s someone who is strong and going his or her own way in our eyes. The funny thing about it is that we want to be like them as we wanted to be like our parents in our childhood. Remember all those “family” games you played with your friends, where you were the Mom or Dad. I guess nearly every one of us did. Later you preferred more to be like your older sibling or the already mentioned star. You maybe dreamed about being gifted with a singing or acting talent, being successful and independent or just about having a driving license and to be allowed to come and go whenever you want.
As we reach the adulthood ourselves a lot of people mostly loose those thoughts about idols and role models, because we somehow made it to go our own way but subconsciously there´s still someone like that for sure. Maybe it´s your parents again that still live in a happy marriage or have a save retirement after long years of work. Maybe it´s your Mom that raised you well all alone. Maybe it´s a friend that got up onto her feet again after a bad divorce or a neighbour that found a good job after years of searching. Maybe it´s also a celeb again that won the battle against a disease you also are / were affected with and encourages people not to give up now. Whoever it is, I think it´s important to have those role models and idols at any point of your life. They can encourage us to get to new levels where the road all alone would be a hard one. They can motivate us to try something new and experience things we wouldn´t dare without a little push. Maybe they can also give us the strength to take action when it´s necessary.
So, no matter how old you are or who your idol is, be thankful for them because they can give you the strength to go on in difficult situations and develop yourself where you might thought that you´re stuck at a certain point.
When love picked you up, carried you through the storm
It´s in that very moment when a hero is born
Posted in Anthropology, Life, philosophy | Tagged celebs, Dad, friends, idol, life, live, Mom, role model, strength, strong | 1 Comment »