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Hey guys,

I just recognized that half of the year has passed already. I can´t believe how fast time went by! Do you remember my new year resolution to work on dreams and live them? I had some things on the schedule and really made half of it happen already. Not too bad for half the year, isn´t it? With some things I didn´t get that far I hoped I would. I had and have to postpone it to a later point of the year or the beginning of next year for some reasons. Therefore I made other things happen and even better, totally unexpected things happened – things I was wishing for but never thought that they would happen that way. Other things robbed  a lot of my nerves but I´m proud I pulled through and the working on dreams partly turned into living dreams. The year is a constant variety of those two things. There will be times that will rob me some more nerves  but in the end I know it will be worth it. Also there will be times where I just live dreams like I already did earlier this year. I am looking forward to that so much!

This way of living left a huge part of negative thinking behind. I became a lot more positive, enjoy things much more an won´t get bothered by obstacles that fast anymore. It doesn´t work every time but a bit more step by step.

“I am not there yet but a step closer each day”

This quote fits perfectly and it motivates me to go on the way because it just feels right. J

Best wishes!

Just a short note that´s on my mind, while I listen to music:

Acoustic versions are my farourite. For me it shows not just the real talent of the artist, it also reflects the soul of the song. It´s the purest form of performing and you can clearly see the meaning to the artist and what he / she wants to express with it. I´d wish there would be an acoustic set at every concert.

What do you think about it?

„The journey of a life time is beginning with one step, but when we´re climbing up that mountain, it´s so easy to forget, it´s one step at all” – Anastacia

Hey everyone,

the line above is stuck in my head a lot lately, because I fell back into old habits of being impatient with the circumstances of my life again. Some while ago I told myself not to get back to this unhealthy way of thinking and I did it for quite a while to free myself from it, but… oh well.

I guess you all know what I´m talking about. You set yourself a goal but either if you keep it relaxed or try with everything you can give, there´s no way to reach it. It´s frustrating and yet you start to pressure yourself even more to try harder. Maybe it wasn´t hard enough until now?  The problem about it is, that sometimes you can´t force things. It just needs it´s time. It´s not just in case of love that way, I truly think it ´s in general. But when you´re stuck in the zone, impatient, upset and worried if you will ever reach your goal, you sometimes tend to forget about it. It´s what just happened to me. In the end, it didn´t change anything, beside that I felt even worse about the whole situation.

Suddenly, at some point this line came to my mind and I smiled and shook my head at the same time.  I promised you to take you with me on my journey through the year, that´s why I decided to share those thoughts with you, because I think it´s part of it, too. I may haven´t reached everything that was planned until now but therefore a few other unexpected things happened. Things, that were on the list as well but I let go of for a bit. Do you remember what I posted in my last blog about this project with the wrong timing? Well, some other, totally unexpected thing about it happened. (Sorry, I can´t share it yet), I´m not sure how it will develop but I´m happy that something about it happened at least – when I expected it the least.

So maybe we sometimes need to let go every now and then and just wait it out, because in the end I believe that everything that you need comes to you in the right moment – without stressing and worrying about it.

The journey has begun

Hey everyone,

I know it´s ages since my last blog. Anyway I want to give you a little Résumé about 2014 and take you with me onto the journey of 2015.

2014 had been the year of surprises, good as bad ones but the good ones definitely win! Dreams came true and also I started some new projects I never thought I would be good enough it. Guess what? I like the results! The past year started pretty shitty to be honest, with a lot of health problems for me and also my Mom. After I got diagnosed intolerant to fructose in 2013, problems got worse again so I had to repeat several tests until it showed up that there now is also a problem with histamine. Jeez, doing groceries wasn´t fun the first weeks, I tell you but in the end I finally felt better and in between little sins are even possible! It´s not that bad you might think at the first moment (I confess, I was in tears). If you need any help about the topic, just feel free to write me. J

Nevertheless, as I said the year also brought some good times and surprises. I fulfilled my dream to explore Rotterdam, against all health odds and totally loved it there! If you haven´t visited the city yet, just go, it´s so worth it – and not that expensive like many other big cities.

Then of course the most unexpected dream happened. I had the chance to spend pretty much and personal time with my idol. I don´t exaggerate when I say that I don´t know where I would be without her now and I don´t even want to know! She always gave and gives me the strength by being a fighter and life lover herself to get through anything (and yes, she knows in between). Well, anyway, there had been several personal moments with a few other fans, since she was stationed in Germany for some time. I finally was able to give her a birthday cake after wishing for that for about 6 years. Her intuitive happy scream reaction when she saw it, made me know why I carried the wish for so long. :D These times made me the happiest, more than I could ever say.

Also I started a few projects like drawing. What started as a gift for my little great-cousin also brought me some really lovely reactions of other people. I never thought so! Another project that I put my heart into failed a bit due to wrong timing but okay, let´s wait for a better chance! If plan A fails… you know the saying I guess.

Well, those were the most impressive moments of 2014. 2015 will be the year of working and living dreams. That was my new year resolution. There will be some (planned) challenges as well. Will keep you updated! But also good and fun times. :D Also I will fulfill another dream to finally go to London. For most people in my area it´s “just London” but for me it´s a huge step to leave my comfort zone with places close to Germany (according to my health issues). But I´m not afraid of it no more, instead I´m just looking forward to have a good time there. Meeting a friend, see new places and meet new people.

If you want to join me at this journey of 2015, you´re welcome. I try to update more regularly again!

Hey everyone,

sorry for no new post in such a long time. I just didn´t have something interesting to say. However, today I found myself in a situation I was really mad and sad about at the same time. New neighbors moved in a few days ago. They´re from the Philippines and really nice people. I had a little chat with them yesterday and wasn´t able to say something negative. Nevertheless some other neighbors are “worried” about outlandish people here. I am living a suburb like you know it from books or TV shows. Kinda boring but well, it´s another thing. Anyway, I asked what´s wrong about it and their thinking was so damn cliché. The problem for them is what is they hear in the media about outlandish drug dealers, robbers, etc. I was literally shocked. I mean, they haven´t even talked to them!!!

I have to admit that television is a big part of the misery. Look for example movies where the drug bosses are always south American people, where prostitution is always with Asians or the middle east and money washing that always plays in Africa. But it´s not only about ethnic background. Look how Psychiatry’s or mentally ill people are depicted. They´re either dangerous, totally insane or have in the best case a special talent beside their insanity. I worked in a psychiatry for two years and I can assure you that 95 % of what you see in a movie is a lot of crap. That´s just by the way.

Okay, back to what I wanted to say. It´s so sad how a lot of human beings judge people by clichés like ethnic, weight, sexual orientation, religion, clothing style, job status or whatever. I ask myself, where have we gone wrong? I don´t deny that there are people who feed these clichés but every person – every being – is an individual. Before you judge someone, get to know them! A first surface impression can be so wrong.

Maybe the all tattooed person is hiding her scars of self harm under the color, because he / she doesn´t want to be reminded of her past anymore.

Maybe the all quiet person that barely says hello on the street is fighting a struggle you don´t have a clue about. Maybe she was bullied in her past and it´s still hard for her to trust anyone.

Maybe the person you see collecting bottles isn´t too lazy to work. Maybe he / she became ill and lost everything he / she had.

So please, before you judge, take a closer look. Don´t get influenced by media or what might be “wrong” for some people, like same sex marriage. Love is tender – not about gender! As long as people are happy, isn´t that all that counts?

This morning I had an interesting experience myself. When I sat in the bus a woman with her dog came in. He looked right up to me and I smiled at him, so he came right to me. He wasn´t asking about how I look, how old I am, where I come from or whatever. I was friendly to him and he was friendly in return. I think it´s something essential we humans can learn from animals, to see an individual as an individual and nothing else.

Hey everyone,

I don´t know how far the news went around the world that last week a drag queen one the Eurovision Song Contest. It´s open song contest for whole Europe. To be honest I think that the past years it´s less about the music and more an open ranking of which countries like each other the most by giving the highest points. It´s an open secret so to say. This year it went –in my personal opinion – even a step further. Some of you probably heard on the news that it´s illegal to be homosexual in Russia. It´s not that they “just” become discriminated, no, they even can be sent to jail if they show their love open in public. Personally I think that this is kind of sick. I am heterosexual myself but whoever has the right to tell someone who they are allowed to love or not?

The Russian government explains their decision that it would be against the normal nature and some kind of illness to love the same sex or feel born in the wrong gender. If you followed some biology classes it can be explained why some people feel born in the wrong body, just by the way.

“It´s not about loving a man or a woman, it´s about loving a person.”

I am not sure where I once read this quote but it´s absolutely true. In the end we just don´t fall for someone attractive, there´s way more about it. If we truly love a person, we love them for all that they are, with all their flaws, mistakes, for their big heart, humor, attitude, just everything. That they´re are attractive to us is just some bonus, so does it really matter in the end if you like your own or the opposite sex? I think in the end it´s just the heart that matters.

So I think the current winner of the ESC is more a political statement against the Russian government, to show that Europe stands united against homophobia. I truly hope for all the ones that still have to hide their love, that this little step will sooner or later change their surrounding for the better and that it´s maybe for the whole world a step against homophobia and for love.

Hey everyone,

I think that it´s time to clean my head from some thoughts again. Lately, when I scroll through the world wide web I have the feeling that people become more and more negative. I don´t know if I am wrong or if people just use their social networks more to live their negative side. However, it kind of worries me to see the development. It´s pretty scary when 85 % of the posts I read of certain people and about 50% in general of the posts are no good thoughts, no matter if it´s about past, present of future or in a combination.

Honestly I have to say that I struggle with negative thoughts myself every now and then, lately due to some circumstances more than I should like to admit but reading all the posts and of others makes me realize that I don´t want to be a part of this sadness for good. It makes me realize to want to go back to my more positive self again. It may be won´t happen over night and the road will bring some vehicles for sure but I will try to take it as an experience, as a journey maybe.

The problem about the negativity in my eyes is, that it´s like a good laugh, contagious. I notice a lot of times that friends/lovers or family members are often dragged down by the problems of their loved ones. Instead of lifting them up, they seem to be dragged to the bad mood / worries, etc. pretty soon themselves and can´t stand it no more, which affects the original person again as well. It´s a circle that´s hard to break and I experienced myself. Sometimes an open conversation may can change something about the situation already. Like, what it would need for change and perform those changes. In harder cases there´s perhaps needed some professional help, which is no shame at all! Admitting to need help is strength, no weakness!

In the end we´re all what we think we are. Our way of thinking influences our lives. Scientific studies prove that persons with a positive attitude take life easier, not because there are less bad things happening to them but because they rate it differently. (As a lesson or as a personal development for example). They´re just happier in general and let´s be honest, being with a positive person makes us smile automatically ourselves, isn´t it? We´re in charge of our own thoughts and how we rate things. It´s not about that we need to stand strong all the time, that´s impossible. Sometimes also the most positive person need some help but it all comes down to find your own happiness back when it was lost through the dark times.

If you don´t know how to start, begin with the little things and count what you´re thankful for. Maybe it´s your friends, maybe it´s a vacation you´re looking forward, maybe a concert you go to. Or let´s take the elementary things like health, a lazy sunday you can spend like you want to, something you recently bought, the upcoming spring… It´s the little things summarized can become the big once – if you give them a chance! :)

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