Hey readers,
no matter if you already in the new year or still in the old one like me, I´m sure you also heard the question “What´s your new year´s resolution”, right? For me this is pretty tough to answer, because all this hopes and worries to a day the calendar tells is weird to me. I know that a lot people wish to start over new (so also do I with some parts of my life) and what date could be better than new years eve for that? But let´s stay honest; every year will bring us bad and good times – no matter what we hope for. The only thing we can change about it is our ability to accept and grow with them.
Let me give you a little rearview of my year, something I normally don´t do that often, so feel honored. 😉 This year was so such an up and down for me. Right at the beginning I lost my beloved cat in a really horrible way I sometimes still have nightmares about. She died with pain in a pet hospital. The docs did everything possible but after some days it got even worse and so I decided no more pain for her! It was the only right decision I know in my heart but also the most painful I´ve ever needed to do. For some of you a cat is maybe just a pet, but I really had a special connection to her. She was at my site when I had bad trouble with my health some years ago and she was one of the reasons I didn´t give up fighting. Then she carried me through the hard time my father struggled with cancer awfully and lost in the end. (That about that EVERY year brings you good and bad stuff, it won´t change in ANY new year)! She consoled me after his death and made me go on by getting me her attention and somehow got back on track and to daily business again. Well, what I want to say is, losing her literally broke me. I just sat down, stared at the wall or cried and asked myself why life can be so cruel.
On the other hand I experienced the most awesome day in a long time also this year! When I was so broke it was even hard for me to speak to my friends about how I felt but then there came some band (as weird as it sounds), which music was like a therapy to me! EACH song of them had a message I could relate to. To some songs I started crying in the beginning a lot again but it helped to break free of the rigidity I felt. It was like there´s someone that experienced the same feelings I had for whatever reason and damn, if they were able to get out of that, live life and have fun again, why not me? Also I didn´t want my beloved persons in heaven to worry about me, so I started to get my butt back of the floor with some help of my close friends and this music and fought on. In July – after my first holiday in a lot of years away from Germany (for severalreason) – what was also a highlight to me (good times calling ;)) the impossible happened and I had the chance to see this band live after only 4 month I knew their music. It was awesome and I literally rocked it all away with some girls I got to know there. 🙂 Well, the REAL highlight was when we met them after the show. Don´t ask me what happened to me, but I went straight up to the front singer, the one who writes the lyrics (even if I´m normally shy by meeting someone for the first time), gave him something I created with some lines on the backside, just mentioning that their songs are very special and each one has a true meaning to me. I couldn´t believe when he started reading right in front of me and I was like “you don´t need to read that now” two times but he went on and I got such a cute reply I´ve never expected! They all were so nice, caring, funny and literally gave me something to believe in (a line of one of their songs) again. I had fun, felt happy and like -myself- again for the first time of the year which also gave me a lot of power to get all back on track step by step! I´m so thankful I´ve met them and hope to see them next year again soon + get to know the other fan Ladies a bit more. When I´m having a bad day right now, I just look at some special picture(s) and have to smile immediatly! 🙂
There were of course more ups and downs, like losing my job due to a limited contract, I really loved. I found a new one with an unlimited contract in between, what I wished for so long but I also miss all my former co-workers (really everyone of them) a lot! They all got special to me without even knowing it, even if it might sound crazy now, but they helped me through all these hard times of the last two years without even knowing it, just by daily business and/or random talks, goofing around.
You see, everything has two sites, dark and light, fire and water, moon and sun. There´s just not one site without the other. A lot of people wish for a “better” upcoming year but it´s just about what YOU make out of it. I´ve learned from the bad experiences and treasure the good ones. I´ve learned to cherish good memories even more. Sure I´m still sad that I lost my Dad and my cat way too early in this cruel way but I´m also thankful for all the good times we had together! So let´s wait what 2013 will bring on. I´m sure there are some ups and downs again and also some decisions I have to and want to take. Let´s just make the best of it, enjoy the good ones and learn from the rest, because to say it with a metaphor again, without rain, there´s not rainbow and no sun at the end of the day!
All the best for 2013 to all of you!