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Archive for June, 2017

Happily ever after?

Isn´t it the perfect romantic thought? The man or the woman you´re madly in love with proposes to you in the most unexpected moment. What follows is the wedding and maybe the honeymoon of your dreams. Perhaps your family will grow by a kid after a while. Will it stay this good forever? It´s the wish all couples have in the beginning but why does every third marriage barely last any longer than 10 years then? Is it about too high expectations? Or is it about losing the interest in one another? I think in most cases it´s not any of that. It just is about reality and personal development through the years.

Think back – would you say that you are the same person you´ve been 5 years ago? Most likely not. You´ve gained experiences (bad and good) in your job and personal life, got to know new people, discovered new things you´re interested in (a hobby for example) and changed your view about certain things in life. The same happens to your partner.

You often hear or say/think the phrase “you´ve changed” a lot of times and this is true, because we all change. It´s natural development and growth we all go through. Think about how sad and boring your life would be, if you were still the exactly same person as you´ve been 15 years ago. You wouldn´t have made any progress, wouldn´t have learned from your experiences and probably also your partner would bore you after a while.

So is it true that we are just made to stay together for a period of time? In my opinion yes and no. A marriage as well as a long term relationship can´t happen with only the good intention to live “happily ever after”. It´s continuous work – the work to share your world with each other. What is up in your partners life? What is on his/her mind? How can you support him/her? What is he/she into lately? Does he/she have any new interests you can discover with one another? Would he/she like to go to any new place you could visit together? Personally I think that jointly experiences are as necessary as trust and loyalty because, what can you talk about if you live in totally separated worlds? It´s a thing I observed with most couples that had problems in their relationships. Don´t get me wrong, everyone should have his own life and freedom, that´s totally fine. It doesn´t mean you have to “glue” on one another all the time but metaphorical spoken, without a stable base each house can´t stay tall.

So work is the secret? It doesn´t sound pretty romantic, does it? In the end it is more than you think. How couldn´t it be not romantic to open a bottle of wine with your partner after a long working day and have a good conversation? How can it be not romantic to try a new hobby and laugh together? And how can it not be to grow and develop together, so young people will look at you in 40-50 years admiringly and say “they´re a couple for so long and still so cute together?”

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