Archive for the ‘decisions’ Category

Hey everyone,

after month of absence I´ve decided to make this blog a bit more personal. Speaking about some stuff I experience lately. It´s not all good but I try to see it as a journey and also I hope to clear my mind by writing down some things of it here.

This post is called facing Nemesis – Part 1, because don´t  we all have a thing we utterly fear? And don´t we all reach a point one day where we say, “it´s enough now”? A point where you can´t run away any longer, so we have to face our fears? I think it´s a thing a lot of us have in common and maybe it helps both sides, you and me a bit to share the process.

I have to admit that my personal Nemeses are diagnostics and treatments at Docs, even though I am surrounded by it since my childhood. Maybe it is also the reason why I decided to go into this direction as a medical secretary myself. To learn about it, help others by at least being friendly to patients (it can often help to calm a bit down at least) and hopefully ease my own fear as I understand things better. Well, the last part was wasted but well, it was worth a try at least, wasn´t it?

Until now I never had a real bad diagnostic or surgery, expect some dental stuff (urgh). Nevertheless I am fu***ng afraid of it. I already get panic attacks when I think about certain diagnostics or a surgery room and I am not exaggerating in this case! That´s also the reason why I pushed some stuff that needs to be done away to the magical –some time-. Lately I had a lot of time to think in the train riding to work and home and also the nightmares about some stuff became stronger. I take it as a sign that it´s time to face those fears now, well, because everything happens for a reason, right? That´s at least what I believe in.  Sometimes you don´t know why things are happening or why it hit you with the stuff you fear the most. Like I said, I had a lot of time to think and I came to the conclusion that it´s a test of life if you´re strong enough to develop yourself to a next level. It may sound weird but think of the things you may be feared when you were a child. Someday you faced this stuff and found out that it wasn´t that worse. You survived and came out stronger and more confident of the situation. I think it´s the same as an adult. Once we face our fears we can develop to a stronger version of ourselves in the end and being proud to have made it, what is a pretty good feeling, isn´t it? It maybe will not be nice but in the end we get through once we push ourselves to look into the eye of the storm. Maybe we´re also giving others hope to fear their Nemesis, who knows? The only problem about it is that the bigger fear is not the thing we think we actually fear the most but the result of how it could change our lives if we do.

In the end, it maybe is not even for ourselves that we take the step we need to take. Sometimes we do it for others (maybe without that they even know). Maybe it is for your friends or family or someone you think -damn, that person went through so much and you´re whining around because of… (what was actually my personal kick.) It doesn´t mean I won´t do my stuff more fearless. I am still having panic attacks and nightmares about it but it´s the thing that made me do a first step along with a promise to the person what is so to say my point of no return.

I may be will keep you posted on this journey but it´s not a promise. For now I am proud of the first step, full of fear but focused, hoping it all works out and life becomes a bit more normal (without nightmares and all that stuff) again.

“My whole life brought me to this moment”- is a line of a song that makes me do it. I am not sure why it brought me there but I think it´s for the development thing and it´s time to find out!


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