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Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

What is love?

„I am not even sure if I know what love really is.“ It´s a sentence I´ve heard a lot in quiet a few variations lately. Sometimes I´ve heard it after a break up or if people are looking for his/her significant other but the person isn´t in sight. Sometimes it´s even meant in general so that they ask themselves if they love people in a right way or even if they´re able to love at all. Honestly, I think it´s pretty sad because I think deep inside we all know what love it. Maybe you didn´t figure out your true love with your significant other yet but there are so many more ways of love you should not forget about. Let me give you some examples.

If your bestie isn´t doing good and needs someone to talk at a late hour. You´re tired and had a long day, nevertheless you won´t let her down – that´s a kind of love!

If your puppy or kitty sleeps on your lap and your legs start to become numb already but you refuse to move to let it sleep – that is a kind of love!

If it´s time to let go of someone because it´s the for best for them, like your pet maybe when it´s old and time to go onto the other side or because someone isn´t just happy in a relationship no more but you want them to be happy, even without you – that´s a kind of love!

If you´re proud of your sister or brother for something they did, even though you may have argued in the past a lot – that´s a kind of love!

I hope you understand what I want you to recognize with these little examples. Just because you´re unsure about one kind of love, don´t say that don´t know / aren´t sure what love is at all. You DO know! Don´t make yourself feel tinier than you are. Every kind of love will come to you when the time is right and you´re really ready for it but not a single day before.

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“Love is most powerful emotion and the strongest feeling a human being can feel.“

In fact, this sentence which already a lot of philosophers wrote poems about or a lot of musicians sing wonderful songs with deep going lyrics about, is also proven by a lot of actions in reality, in a positive as well as in a negative manner. Sadly the media seems to tell more and more often the stories of jealous men for example that killed their girlfriends because she fell out of love. On the other hand love is able to cross any bridges and distances, thinking of the couples that found there partner in a totally different kind of the world including a different culture and maybe also religion. Nevertheless a lot of these couples find a solution to combine their very different kind of lifestyles because the love for each other is stronger than any space; spoken physically and emotionally.

But what is love? What is this big emotion that seems to get best as well as the worst out of people?  Is it this huge unknown of the universe? Or is it, like the neuroscience tells a simple hormone reaction? I´m not sure about it myself and so writing this is also for a trip on a road that I don´t know where it will lead me.

An inevitable matter of fact is that we choose our partners subconscious by anthropologic parameters. It is indisputable that if we meet someone for the first time our immune system checks out by getting subconscious the pheromones of our opposite, if (s)he´d might be the right one to have children with. It´s an evolutionary process we can´t control. If this matches (and some other parameters) our brain starts to produce more happy hormones like Dopamin, testosterone (for men), Oxytocin (mostly women) but also the stress hormone Cortisol – that just by the way – to increase the feeling to be in love or commonly described as the typical “butterflies”.

So if love is measurable by parameters, is it in the end as logical as 2 + 2 = 4?

According to what we learned above your answer is may yes now but on the other hand there are some irrational tests that prove how partners can be “connected” with each other, even about distances, which just isn´t explainable with hormones. Remember the often heard story about women that felt that there partner or another beloved family member was having an accident somewhere.  They instinctively felt that something was wrong or even woke up at night knowing that something happened. Another interesting test that took place at a university in Australia consisted couples that where placed with a test at different corners of a room without any eye or body contact. Anyway there heartbeats and breath frequency resembled to each other (mostly the women resembled to the men). It seemed like there were feeling their partners which can´t be explained with any common “love hormone” yet.

Also remember that love can grow during the time. What may have begun as a flirt some years back can become a serious relationship or even marriage through the years.  When the first “blind sight” is gone, couples mostly describe their relationship as even more conversant.

“Love can´t exist without trust, respect, interest in each other and communication”

This is a fact that psychologists as well as the majority of us agree on and is also officially known as the four basic pillars.

So what is love in the end?  Is it the anthropologic process that wins the race? Or is it the psychological aspect because we´ve already learned from life that there´s no harvest without care and work. Or maybe all those theories are wrong and it´s just that great feeling that can be hardly described in words because beside all the science there´s still some magic in this world.

I can´t give you the final conclusion. Personally I think it´s a healthy mix of all of those elements because look around you. Life isn´t just black in white in general, it´s the mixing colors we enjoy. Why should it be any different with one of the most beautiful things on earth?

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