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Archive for the ‘Psychology’ Category

Hey everyone,

I think that it´s time to clean my head from some thoughts again. Lately, when I scroll through the world wide web I have the feeling that people become more and more negative. I don´t know if I am wrong or if people just use their social networks more to live their negative side. However, it kind of worries me to see the development. It´s pretty scary when 85 % of the posts I read of certain people and about 50% in general of the posts are no good thoughts, no matter if it´s about past, present of future or in a combination.

Honestly I have to say that I struggle with negative thoughts myself every now and then, lately due to some circumstances more than I should like to admit but reading all the posts and of others makes me realize that I don´t want to be a part of this sadness for good. It makes me realize to want to go back to my more positive self again. It may be won´t happen over night and the road will bring some vehicles for sure but I will try to take it as an experience, as a journey maybe.

The problem about the negativity in my eyes is, that it´s like a good laugh, contagious. I notice a lot of times that friends/lovers or family members are often dragged down by the problems of their loved ones. Instead of lifting them up, they seem to be dragged to the bad mood / worries, etc. pretty soon themselves and can´t stand it no more, which affects the original person again as well. It´s a circle that´s hard to break and I experienced myself. Sometimes an open conversation may can change something about the situation already. Like, what it would need for change and perform those changes. In harder cases there´s perhaps needed some professional help, which is no shame at all! Admitting to need help is strength, no weakness!

In the end we´re all what we think we are. Our way of thinking influences our lives. Scientific studies prove that persons with a positive attitude take life easier, not because there are less bad things happening to them but because they rate it differently. (As a lesson or as a personal development for example). They´re just happier in general and let´s be honest, being with a positive person makes us smile automatically ourselves, isn´t it? We´re in charge of our own thoughts and how we rate things. It´s not about that we need to stand strong all the time, that´s impossible. Sometimes also the most positive person need some help but it all comes down to find your own happiness back when it was lost through the dark times.

If you don´t know how to start, begin with the little things and count what you´re thankful for. Maybe it´s your friends, maybe it´s a vacation you´re looking forward, maybe a concert you go to. Or let´s take the elementary things like health, a lazy sunday you can spend like you want to, something you recently bought, the upcoming spring… It´s the little things summarized can become the big once – if you give them a chance! 🙂

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Hey everyone,

I know that I didn´t publish anything new in while but lately I´ve been thinking about some stuff again. As the title already reveals, it´s about a personal respect zone everybody has, that should be –respected-. I think we all agree on that but why is it that this zone doesn´t work in some situations? I´m not talking about that you maybe take a step too close to a co-worker while having a fun time or giving someone you like (and you don´t know if he/she likes you back) a maybe too early hug. I´m speaking about strangers to you – you perhaps have the feeling you know at least until a certain degree – through the media!

It´s not that I know what I will write here only from TV, I´ve also seen those situations myself and were pretty shocked at times. Let me tell you about a concert of a female singer (I won´t mention names here) where an adult guy (about 45) started yelling “I love you, I just want to hug you”, etc. up on stage. The singer reacted cool, went up to him, got down on her knees and said “so give me a hug”, what was really cute in my eyes. Well, he did, that strong and that long (still yelling some stuff at her) that she spread her arms to keep in balance on her knees and just wait it out. A few other fans were literally shocked. Thankfully she´s professional enough to manage it with a laugh and a joke.
Another situation was about a male singer surrounded by a bunch of kids and teenagers that barely let him walk a step, partly pulling on his shirt and stuff. Even the security didn´t do anything about it,  no matter that it was more than obvious that he didn´t seem happy.
A third situation (yes, I´m going to concerts a lot) was a girl around 20 I remember that wanted a photo with the lead singer of my favorite band but didn´t speak English. I just heard in German “what is –I want a photo-?” and so told her. Well, in the end she went up to him, not even saying hi, just placing herself beside him saying “photo”, no thanks right after, nothing; she just went away.

According to those 3 situations, vicarious for a lot of others for sure, I ask myself what happens to some people´s behavior when they meet celebs and why? Why seem the border of respect you normally have for persons around you in life not to work for the once we know from the media?

I think the answer is to find in a psychological trait. All those open media sources connote us that we have a view in a part of what they do and who they are. No matter if it is an article in some magazine, a show on TV or some portals on the internet, we mostly get a lot of news about their lives including relationship, split ups, family or health issues. It kinda makes us feel that we –know- them at least for a bit (regardless if all the reports are true).
Some of them also keep in touch with their fans over social networks but let´s keep it real, if someone with 100.000 + followers answers you at a time it doesn´t mean they know who you are.

In my opinion exactly there´s the problem. When you finally meet them in person, you remember all the stuff you know about them, you maybe remember a virtual interaction and the positive feelings they gave you through what they do. Now you want to tell them, so you maybe grab their arm, scream something or whatever to get their attention. But remember, if you weren´t that lucky to have some real longer meetings before so they recognize you; you´re a stranger to them! You maybe say now that they´re used to it and it´s their job. But it´s not. Their job is to entertain the audience, no matter if actor, singer or author. It does not mean that they give away all their rights of a personal life, what should always be respected as well as themselves as a person.

So ask yourself: How you would feel if some stranger to you “touches you all over” to exaggerate a bit or screams right into your face. Ask yourself how you would feel if they break into your comfort zone in a ruthless way. Ask yourself if you´d keep that person in mind in a good way or at all because others will do the same. And lastly ask yourself: Wouldn´t it be nicer to have a normal little normal talk with them instead? I think this would stay in their mind far more positive, don´t you think?

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“Love is most powerful emotion and the strongest feeling a human being can feel.“

In fact, this sentence which already a lot of philosophers wrote poems about or a lot of musicians sing wonderful songs with deep going lyrics about, is also proven by a lot of actions in reality, in a positive as well as in a negative manner. Sadly the media seems to tell more and more often the stories of jealous men for example that killed their girlfriends because she fell out of love. On the other hand love is able to cross any bridges and distances, thinking of the couples that found there partner in a totally different kind of the world including a different culture and maybe also religion. Nevertheless a lot of these couples find a solution to combine their very different kind of lifestyles because the love for each other is stronger than any space; spoken physically and emotionally.

But what is love? What is this big emotion that seems to get best as well as the worst out of people?  Is it this huge unknown of the universe? Or is it, like the neuroscience tells a simple hormone reaction? I´m not sure about it myself and so writing this is also for a trip on a road that I don´t know where it will lead me.

An inevitable matter of fact is that we choose our partners subconscious by anthropologic parameters. It is indisputable that if we meet someone for the first time our immune system checks out by getting subconscious the pheromones of our opposite, if (s)he´d might be the right one to have children with. It´s an evolutionary process we can´t control. If this matches (and some other parameters) our brain starts to produce more happy hormones like Dopamin, testosterone (for men), Oxytocin (mostly women) but also the stress hormone Cortisol – that just by the way – to increase the feeling to be in love or commonly described as the typical “butterflies”.

So if love is measurable by parameters, is it in the end as logical as 2 + 2 = 4?

According to what we learned above your answer is may yes now but on the other hand there are some irrational tests that prove how partners can be “connected” with each other, even about distances, which just isn´t explainable with hormones. Remember the often heard story about women that felt that there partner or another beloved family member was having an accident somewhere.  They instinctively felt that something was wrong or even woke up at night knowing that something happened. Another interesting test that took place at a university in Australia consisted couples that where placed with a test at different corners of a room without any eye or body contact. Anyway there heartbeats and breath frequency resembled to each other (mostly the women resembled to the men). It seemed like there were feeling their partners which can´t be explained with any common “love hormone” yet.

Also remember that love can grow during the time. What may have begun as a flirt some years back can become a serious relationship or even marriage through the years.  When the first “blind sight” is gone, couples mostly describe their relationship as even more conversant.

“Love can´t exist without trust, respect, interest in each other and communication”

This is a fact that psychologists as well as the majority of us agree on and is also officially known as the four basic pillars.

So what is love in the end?  Is it the anthropologic process that wins the race? Or is it the psychological aspect because we´ve already learned from life that there´s no harvest without care and work. Or maybe all those theories are wrong and it´s just that great feeling that can be hardly described in words because beside all the science there´s still some magic in this world.

I can´t give you the final conclusion. Personally I think it´s a healthy mix of all of those elements because look around you. Life isn´t just black in white in general, it´s the mixing colors we enjoy. Why should it be any different with one of the most beautiful things on earth?

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Hey Readers,

I currently read a book I got as a christmas gift of a dear friend what was so inspiring, because the topic is about a thing I often think about! There´s not an english version yet, but it would be translated like “The man that wanted to be happy” by Laurent Gounelle. This man is looking for obviously happiness; I think it´s a thing a lot of us do. He´s going to a wise man  during his vacation at Bali and experiences because of him an all new way to see himself, life in general, the decisions he did and why he IS the person he is.

Let me tell you that I –and some others of you for sure – can really relate to a lot of stuff there. Have you maybe ever been in the situation you had to speak in front of a crowd and messed it up?  Maybe at school or at work?! It´s not a nice feeling, huh? Or do you know the situation to not go up to a boy / girl and try to get into a conversation with them, because you think that you would not have a chance anyway? What about the thought that you´re not one of the happy fools in live that have a lot of luck? I guess nearly everyone knows this or similar situations.

Let me give you another scenario that you get the point what I want to say:
Imagine: You walk along a street with nice restaurants. People are sitting outside and keep staring at you, because you wear clothes of a beggar. How do you feel? And how do you walk? I bet not high headed. I think everyone of us would walk fast with down shoulders, wishing to be invisible.
Now imagine the opposite: Let´s say people recognize you on the street because you´re famous and want to get in touch with you? How do you feel and how do you walk? Probably honored? With a smile on your face because people like you? Standing tall beside them for a photo maybe?

The third part about it is: How you act yourself, also affect on others. How do people react if you stand shy in a corner, not really dare to look at them? They maybe think you´re strange and presumably won´t come up to you. And what do you think as a consequence? –They don´t even like me before they come up to talk to me.
However, how would people react in the opposite if you go to them with a smile, saying an open hello? They would probably smile back and return the same way – which means in consequence for you: People are open and nice, which gives you a good feeling.

So what´s the sense of all this philosophic / psychologic stuff I write here? Let´s keep this end short:
The message of this book is “You are what you think” and I think it´s pretty true. If you tell yourself that you are interesting for a boy / girl and go up to him/her like that, you will be  for sure more interesting as if you think “I´m never having a chance anyway!” Same with speaking in front of a crowd. Even if you messed up once, it doesn´t mean it will be every time like that! If you imagine people are interested in what you way (maybe you can imagine you´re a moderator or something), you will speak a lot more open and fluently, what people will rate positive for sure.

It´s all about the way we look at things – beginning with ourselves, because being happy is a decision and you ARE what you think!

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Hey everyone,

during the past weeks I thought about some stuff, because I heard and read about so many people –especially girls in this case – in the media and according to that also about girls that I know myself, that feel a lot of pressure to be as perfect as possible. I was pretty shocked when I realized how many doubts some of them have about themselves. There have been 2 young Ladies on TV for example, that only mentioned the negative things (how they look and may act on others) and felt pretty insecure about it, fearing, no one would ever call them beautiful or even worse, would harass them. In my opinion they both looked like normal teenagers. This is only one example and it´s not only on television! I think it´s pretty scaring that this phenomenon is getting more and more. This world sometimes is a harsh place. If we don´t function – no matter if in school, at work or often also in private life – we can be sure to get strange glances or comments. And on the other site there´s of course the pressure of the everlasting beauty – thanks to Hollywood – the model world and of course to photo shop in that case!  We all are suggested “If you don´t look the best you can, there will be a lot of stones in your way” or also “boys are only looking for pretty girls – girls are only looking for sexy boys”. One in all: Be perfect to be someone in life and reach a goal.

But what is perfection? That´s the question I´m asking myself! Is it the bleached snow white smile of a Hollywood Star everyone wants to have? Is it the long full hair that often only extensions can do? Or is it the 24/7 smile of Heidi Klum, so no one can see that your world maybe came crashing down because of a difficult situation?

So, if perfection has this definition by measurements and everyone would look that “perfect”, where would the individualism go? If we all act the same, like a program ordered in a catalogue, where would be that something that makes us unique? Let´s imagine all the girls would look like 90-60-90, blue eyes, long blonde hair and all the guys would be equally tall, would have equally muscles and act all the same on girls or hobbies, wouldn´t it remember too machines? Like a serial product without a unique component. Well, at least for me it sounds like this!

What about the little scar above his eyebrow that tells a story and maybe made you interested in him? What about the little dimple around her lips when she smiles that just makes her look cute? What about she maybe has a little more extra above her ideal weight but you love her curves even more or that reminds a girl hugging a teddy bear while cuddling with her boy in bed? What about that he starts to sing or joke in the tram because you had a bad day to make you laugh, not caring that anyone could look weird at him because it´s not common?

Honestly, I think that our imperfections is what makes us unique and being unique makes us perfect. I admit, that I sometimes doubt in myself as well. For example when I look in the mirror after a long day just looking like …. or that I feel insecure starting a new thing, not sure if I can do it. That´s normal! We ALL have doubts like that. It doesn´t mean that you´re weaker than others, don´t let anyone ever tell you that!  All those “perfect” persons you may know aren´t that perfect either. Remember my words of photo shop in the beginning 😉 – and an everlasting smile doesn´t always mean that they´re everlasting happy!

A huge idol of mine just wrote on her Twitter account: “Society can be very harsh at times. Fanily, I don´t want U 2 feel pressured 2 have 2 be perfect. I want you all to enjoy life& have FUN BABY!” (words by Anastacia). I think this woman figured it out after having a lot of hard times herself.  Her message is: Stay true, stay you, be happy and have fun! Because life is too short for anything else!  Don´t you think?

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