Posts Tagged ‘love’

What is love?

„I am not even sure if I know what love really is.“ It´s a sentence I´ve heard a lot in quiet a few variations lately. Sometimes I´ve heard it after a break up or if people are looking for his/her significant other but the person isn´t in sight. Sometimes it´s even meant in general so that they ask themselves if they love people in a right way or even if they´re able to love at all. Honestly, I think it´s pretty sad because I think deep inside we all know what love it. Maybe you didn´t figure out your true love with your significant other yet but there are so many more ways of love you should not forget about. Let me give you some examples.

If your bestie isn´t doing good and needs someone to talk at a late hour. You´re tired and had a long day, nevertheless you won´t let her down – that´s a kind of love!

If your puppy or kitty sleeps on your lap and your legs start to become numb already but you refuse to move to let it sleep – that is a kind of love!

If it´s time to let go of someone because it´s the for best for them, like your pet maybe when it´s old and time to go onto the other side or because someone isn´t just happy in a relationship no more but you want them to be happy, even without you – that´s a kind of love!

If you´re proud of your sister or brother for something they did, even though you may have argued in the past a lot – that´s a kind of love!

I hope you understand what I want you to recognize with these little examples. Just because you´re unsure about one kind of love, don´t say that don´t know / aren´t sure what love is at all. You DO know! Don´t make yourself feel tinier than you are. Every kind of love will come to you when the time is right and you´re really ready for it but not a single day before.


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Hey everyone,

I don´t know how far the news went around the world that last week a drag queen one the Eurovision Song Contest. It´s open song contest for whole Europe. To be honest I think that the past years it´s less about the music and more an open ranking of which countries like each other the most by giving the highest points. It´s an open secret so to say. This year it went –in my personal opinion – even a step further. Some of you probably heard on the news that it´s illegal to be homosexual in Russia. It´s not that they “just” become discriminated, no, they even can be sent to jail if they show their love open in public. Personally I think that this is kind of sick. I am heterosexual myself but whoever has the right to tell someone who they are allowed to love or not?

The Russian government explains their decision that it would be against the normal nature and some kind of illness to love the same sex or feel born in the wrong gender. If you followed some biology classes it can be explained why some people feel born in the wrong body, just by the way.

“It´s not about loving a man or a woman, it´s about loving a person.”

I am not sure where I once read this quote but it´s absolutely true. In the end we just don´t fall for someone attractive, there´s way more about it. If we truly love a person, we love them for all that they are, with all their flaws, mistakes, for their big heart, humor, attitude, just everything. That they´re are attractive to us is just some bonus, so does it really matter in the end if you like your own or the opposite sex? I think in the end it´s just the heart that matters.

So I think the current winner of the ESC is more a political statement against the Russian government, to show that Europe stands united against homophobia. I truly hope for all the ones that still have to hide their love, that this little step will sooner or later change their surrounding for the better and that it´s maybe for the whole world a step against homophobia and for love.

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“Love is most powerful emotion and the strongest feeling a human being can feel.“

In fact, this sentence which already a lot of philosophers wrote poems about or a lot of musicians sing wonderful songs with deep going lyrics about, is also proven by a lot of actions in reality, in a positive as well as in a negative manner. Sadly the media seems to tell more and more often the stories of jealous men for example that killed their girlfriends because she fell out of love. On the other hand love is able to cross any bridges and distances, thinking of the couples that found there partner in a totally different kind of the world including a different culture and maybe also religion. Nevertheless a lot of these couples find a solution to combine their very different kind of lifestyles because the love for each other is stronger than any space; spoken physically and emotionally.

But what is love? What is this big emotion that seems to get best as well as the worst out of people?  Is it this huge unknown of the universe? Or is it, like the neuroscience tells a simple hormone reaction? I´m not sure about it myself and so writing this is also for a trip on a road that I don´t know where it will lead me.

An inevitable matter of fact is that we choose our partners subconscious by anthropologic parameters. It is indisputable that if we meet someone for the first time our immune system checks out by getting subconscious the pheromones of our opposite, if (s)he´d might be the right one to have children with. It´s an evolutionary process we can´t control. If this matches (and some other parameters) our brain starts to produce more happy hormones like Dopamin, testosterone (for men), Oxytocin (mostly women) but also the stress hormone Cortisol – that just by the way – to increase the feeling to be in love or commonly described as the typical “butterflies”.

So if love is measurable by parameters, is it in the end as logical as 2 + 2 = 4?

According to what we learned above your answer is may yes now but on the other hand there are some irrational tests that prove how partners can be “connected” with each other, even about distances, which just isn´t explainable with hormones. Remember the often heard story about women that felt that there partner or another beloved family member was having an accident somewhere.  They instinctively felt that something was wrong or even woke up at night knowing that something happened. Another interesting test that took place at a university in Australia consisted couples that where placed with a test at different corners of a room without any eye or body contact. Anyway there heartbeats and breath frequency resembled to each other (mostly the women resembled to the men). It seemed like there were feeling their partners which can´t be explained with any common “love hormone” yet.

Also remember that love can grow during the time. What may have begun as a flirt some years back can become a serious relationship or even marriage through the years.  When the first “blind sight” is gone, couples mostly describe their relationship as even more conversant.

“Love can´t exist without trust, respect, interest in each other and communication”

This is a fact that psychologists as well as the majority of us agree on and is also officially known as the four basic pillars.

So what is love in the end?  Is it the anthropologic process that wins the race? Or is it the psychological aspect because we´ve already learned from life that there´s no harvest without care and work. Or maybe all those theories are wrong and it´s just that great feeling that can be hardly described in words because beside all the science there´s still some magic in this world.

I can´t give you the final conclusion. Personally I think it´s a healthy mix of all of those elements because look around you. Life isn´t just black in white in general, it´s the mixing colors we enjoy. Why should it be any different with one of the most beautiful things on earth?


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„Help me“ – Two simple words that are able to give us a lot of different emotions at a time.

–Help me- because I´m scared
–Help me- because a situation is so tough that I can´t face it alone
–Help me- because I trust you enough to let you into my world and share my weakness you
–Help me- because I´m strong enough to tell that I´m afraid and I can´t make it alone

This is at least the list of feelings I got when I read these two words yesterday night. To be honest, there was a third word –laugh-, -help me laugh- but in the end it came all down to these two words.

Those words were written by a woman that got diagnosed breast cancer for a second time and more intense this way around. A woman that I only know as strong and a fighter by nature. To hear these words of such a person is touching and scaring at the same time.

Humans seem to be generated to ask the less for help than any possible. Normally we don´t want to bother anyone with our problems or we´re afraid that they think we´re weak or aren´t able to manage things that others do on their own. Sometimes we´re even ashamed to ask for help. Honestly I´m the kind of person that even feels bad to ask my neighbor to get me some items at the grocery store when I caught the flu.

So what kind of feelings do persons need to have if they swallow all their pride (or does it even disappear in these extreme situations?) to ask for help in much more ways than this little sentence tells at the first look. Is it the list I mentioned above? Or a part of it? Honestly I don´t know. I can only guess but what I can say for sure is that there is a lot of strength to ask for help, no matter in which situation you are. Also I know that the ones that hear those words can be honored to have the deep trust of someone else, to be part of their world, not only at times of sunshine.

I instantly hope with all my heart that this strength will guide this special person another time to the road of recovery and health. If one thing is for sure, it´s that no matter what, she won´t face it alone!



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